HNT -- Legato

Happy HNT, one and all!

Even with Vince off at a fabulous gig (and sending me awesome pics and texts!) I am committed to getting back on the HNT bandwagon, so to speak. So, I worked with the timer on my Kodak and ended up with this! Not bad for little auto-pseudo-erotica, if I do say so m'self!

As always, a few Ivey facts:

1. In my teens, before I discovered the theater, I wanted to be a classical pianist. I wasn't bad.
2. At 18, I was keyboard player for a group that traveled throughout the US, Mexico, and parts of Europe for a year.
3. I still sit down to play occasionally and though my skills are a bit rusty, I love the music.

As always, check out the rest of the half-nekkid-ness over at Osbasso's!

Legato!
Ivey

A quick catch up --

A quick post to catch you, dear readers, up on the comings and goings around Ivey Lane.

First of all,we've been a bit busy and for self-employed folks, that's great!! Tax day came and went and we dutifully sent Uncle Sam a share of our well-gotten gains. Pet peeve: I just can't stand too much whining about paying taxes. Yes, I would like to keep more of my money. I don't mind at all that some of my money goes to artists who I think create crap any more than I mind that some of my money goes to politicians I despise. But I love driving on good streets, living in towns with nice parks, in a country where I can, in fact, be my own boss and start and run a small business.

Tonight Vince and I have a date with a couple we met on our new swinger website. After my lament about the frustrations of finding people, we persevered, sent out about 6 more greetings and heard back from a very nice couple. We've chatted on-line and I've talked to the Mrs. on the phone. It's just drinks and folks, if it goes well, I'll tell ya all about it. But if it's another disaster, I may just keep it to myself. As I mentioned to a friend in an earlier email, I'm a bit sick of reporting on things that 'almost' worked out. I might get over that though, so please don't hold me to it.

I'm also planning to participate in HNT this week. Again, we've missed out recently because of our schedule but I'm determined! I have several shots in mind but none that can be achieved without the assistance of my numero-uno photographer.

We're also about to go into a 4 week travel mode that will be taking us out quite a bit. First, we 're meeting another couple we met through a swinger website this weekend. We really like these folks and if nothing else, are excited to meet some really cool people and new friends in person. After that, Vince has to drive his aging parents back north, then it's off to Texas for a few days, then to a business conference we go to every year and is a blast.

That's what I got, folks! Babe -- I'm looking forward to hearing more about P90X and am keeping my bitchy "size 4!" remark to myself. MR -- I hope the GF is working. Hubman -- Safe travels. Mr. Cool -- on m'mind. Mr. B -- sounds like things are looking up a bit at your place. 13M -- haven't seen much new lately, hope all is well. Emmy -- we're taking your advice tonight. Fig -- why are you so freakin' smart AND sexy. Hope to see an HNT. Britni -- stay safe. Inferno and Mr. ABC -- Welcome to the Lane. John and Ann -- hope you're doing well. Everyone else -- hope you're all doing well this fine, fine week.

Best,
Ivey

TMI Tuesday -- Ivey's first meme

I've had a ton of stuff rattling around my noggin' to write about but right now I'm in one of my hormonally induced "blah" phases. Oh well, it comes with the territory. So I saw this meme and thought I'd give it a run and see if I like it. Don't know that I do; it seems a bit insipid but as I said, I may just be awash in enui. This may be a first and last.

Well, with that stimulating introduction in mind, enjoy!

Hi, my name is: not really Ivey, but you knew that.

Never in my life have I been: to South America, Asia, or Antarctica. And I have no plans to visit Antarctica.

The one person who can drive me nuts better than anyone else is: my mother.

When I’m nervous: I get even funnier.

The last song I listened to was: "Learnin' to drink whiskey".

If I were to get married right now my best man/maid of honor: I am married and I had a man of honor.

Last Christmas: was spent in the hospital with my Daddy after his stroke.

I should be..: thinner. sigh.

When I look down I see: perfectly pedicured toes.

If I were a character on ‘Friends’ I’d be: A character on what?

My current gripe is: people who bitch constantly about paying taxes.

I have a hard time understanding: there's very little I have a hard time understanding though I confess I do get baffled by people who think they can change my mind by insulting me.

There’s this girl I know that: could really benefit from a big ol' dose of lighten up.

I like it when: Vince plays his guitar in the morning and I wake up to the sound of live jazz bouncing off the plaster walls and wood floors.

If I won an award, the first person I would tell would be: my husband.

Take my advice: do not ever tell a nun she's going to hell for being Catholic. Especially not when you're a 5-year old Southern Baptist child.

The thing I want to buy: is... uhhhh... a, uhhhhh.... a new seat for my bike? Socks? Not really a big spender.

If you visited the place I was born: I have no idea what you'd see. I haven't been back there since I was 6 months old.

I plan to visit: everywhere except Antarctica.

If you spent the night at my house: we would have a great meal and then spend the evening either on the back porch or in the living room (depending on the weather) chatting about life, the universe, and everything.

I’d stop my wedding if: nothing would have stopped my wedding though many things tried.

The world could do without: fast food. Seriously.

I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: shop for a bathing suit.

Most recent thing I’ve bought myself: Bare Ecsentuals "Fairly Light" makeup.

Most recent thing someone else bought me: ah.... drinks?

My favorite blond is: my neighbor. She's in her sixties, extremely funny, and a rockin' blond!

My favorite brunette is: ahem, I'm a brunette and I think I'm pretty cool. If I disqualify myself from the equation I'd say Vincent.

My favorite red head is: my very good friend I'll call the Doyenne. She is magnificent beyond words. When I'm around her I feel smarter, better, wiser, kinder, anything and everything good. Magically, she makes you think you're a better person than you know in your heart you are.

My middle name is: not nearly as interesting as my real first name.

In the morning I: leisurely lie in bed until Vince comes upstairs and either gently wakes me up or ravishes me with wake-up sex.

The animals I would like to see flying besides birds are: horses.

Once, at a bar: I actually ordered a soft drink.

Last night I was: grappling in a karate class.

There’s this guy I know who: is actaully one of the world's top 5 antique aircraft mechanics.

If I was an animal I’d be: a horse. Childhood dreams die hard.

A better name for me would be: My real name's pretty cool. I can't imagine a better one.

Tomorrow I am: going to the beauty shop. (I'm southern folks. It'll always be a "shop" not a "salon.")

Tonight I am: going to soak in a bathtub, reading a book, while sipping Chardonnay.

My birthday is: a celebration!

Gratitude?

Over on my blogroll you'll find "Sex with the Wife." Mr. B, as he goes by, posed an interesting question the other day about gratitude, specifically "should a wife be grateful to her husband for not cheating on her." He went on to make it gender neutral, but later in the post it appears that the question should more aptly be phrased "should a husband/wife EXPECT their spouse to be grateful that they didn't cheat on them."

It's a nice short post so rather than recapping it, I suggest you give it a read here. I was going to add my thoughts in his comments section but soon realized it was turning into a post so I moved it over here.

The short answer to his primary question is "no." As he said, to insist someone else be grateful because one party simply held up their end of a deal is silly for all the reasons he gave. It's simply honoring the deal you made in the first place. I don't walk around giddy when people don't lie to me; but depending on the severity of the lie, my relationship to the person, and the harm done to me, I'll vacillate between being disappointed and enraged depending on the situation.

But.....

His question had to do specifically with sexual fidelity and I have to admit, when Vince and I were having our dry spell (6+ years worth!), I was and still am extremely grateful he didn't cheat on me. Now to be fair, it wasn't like we were communicating all that well about sexual issues at that time and that's a huge part of our growth as a couple over the past few years. In addition, I am an outstanding wife on all other fronts. We've never lacked love or overt appreciation for the other, there was no hostility, resentment, or animosity; we just weren't having sex.

I would not have been surprised -- and I would have been tremendously hurt -- but in hindsight, I would definitely see how my behavior, our circumstance, etc. could have contributed to the situation. So, in spite of provocation, my husband honored his vow to me, and for that, I am indeed, grateful. That's how I feel, but even if I didn't, he would still have no right to expect it from me.

You see the idea of one person expecting their spouse to be grateful to them for simply not being a dick or a bitch is arrogance at its worst. For example, should you expect your spouse to be grateful if you don't call them names, if you don't hit them, if you don't ignore them? Should they be happy that you don't yell at the kids or kick the dog? If that is how you truly want to behave, feel you deserve to behave, and you are graciously holding yourself back, then you, sir or madam, are an ass.

And that is where I think the idea of expecting people to be grateful for anything falls apart. You see, I've seen this particular line of thinking all over the blogosphere. It usually comes from a man or woman who feels they are being unreasonably provoked by their spouse (he/she doesn't understand me, he/she isn't giving me enough sex, he/she is actually a bitch/dick but I "can't" leave them because of the kids/money/morals/inertia/disruption/whatever the fuck have you) and they actually deserve to lie or deceive their husband/wife but for some reason, they aren't. Yet. But they sure as hell are thinking about it.

But the final paragraph of Mr. B's reasoning concerned me quite a bit because to me it falls under the "future payoff" paradigm -- you honor your vows to remain sexually faithful now because in the future you may actually need this person to do something unpleasant for you.

Yuck.

Now let me go on record and say that I've read almost every post Mr. B has on his blog and I DO NOT think that Mr. B in any way lacks integrity. In fact, he appears to be the guy that finds himself in a position not unlike my Vincent did a few years ago, only Mr. B has his blog as an outlet, and my Vince had only me, his damaged but loving wife.

That said, (and I'm going to keep with his husband/wife scenario just so the prose won't be gender tortured but yeah, it could go either direction) let me offer my take on the final paragraph a phrase at a time:

"Here's a newsflash guys: there will come a time when she may be in a position of advantage..." That's "game" thinking. This isn't a fucking game: it's your wife/husband, your personal integrity, his/her heart, your combined life, your children's lives, your past/present/future, etc. Also, it implies that the cheater is in a position of "advantage" now. An opportunity to cheat is no more of an advantage than an opportunity embezzle.

"When you are 70 years old and committed to a wheelchair and need your loving wife to help you wipe your ass...." A) 70 ain't that old. B) Now you need her to help you?! Now?! How about when you were younger? Did you need her then? To give you love and guidance? To help you achieve your dreams? To help you build a combined life for two not a one-man show and his support staff? If you really don't need her now, then man-up, do both of you a favor, and get a fucking divorce.

"...you will be very grateful that you stuck with her ..." No, you'll be grateful that SHE stuck with your sorry, resentful, entitled, frustrated ass because SHE didn't have to either. More likely though, you'll simply devolve into the battling-Bickermans, sniping and griping your way to the grave.

"...when you didn't have to." If you lack the integrity to honor your commitments then no, you didn't "have to." Furthermore, if you lack the ability or willingness to communicate with your spouse, if you lack the courage to make changes or sacrifices for the person you claim is "the one" then no, not only do you not have to, you probably aren't able to either.

"...life runs in circles..." That almost always shows up in a "just you wait, you'll get yours" context. Does anyone ever think "Hey, I'm reaping some pretty bad karma now." Do any of these people ever think that the current unhappy circumstance they find themselves in is because of some effort they failed to put in before? Any of them?

"...and if you jump for greener pastures at a moment when you think you can get a nicer deal..." That's just it, they don't think they can get a nicer "deal," they aren't terminating the deal they have. They are trying to keep their spouse from dissolving the deal (i.e. the marriage) so they can have something else in addition to their existing deal. "I want my married life, AND I want, nay I DESERVE, pussy on the side." Oh fuckin' please.

"...you may find yourself dumped when you are in pretty sorry shape..." Let me see if I understand, you're saying she's the type of woman who would put up with decades of resentment and blame for whatever his frustrations are THEN decide to leave? Also, it's a pretty specious assumption to think she's going to be some spry septuagenarian at the same time he's failing on all physical fronts. She may have her own reasons for staying with him.

"Just stick it out and don't get too full of yourself for doing so." Seriously, if it truly is that bad, don't stick it out. If what you are lacking in your marriage and in your life is that important to you, if it is that crucial to your joy and happiness, MAKE A CHANGE. Accept the (hopefully) temporary hurt and disappointment you are going to cause. The chances are, if it really is that bad for you, it isn't all that great for her either.

I know, because I lived it, how painful sexual difficulties between a husband and wife can be. I also know, because I lived it, how wonderful it is to finally grow through it, as a person and as a married couple. I married a good man.

So yes, I'm grateful to him that he is a good man.... and that's completely different from being grateful that he isn't a bastard.

Here's to you, Stanley Tucci

So the other night I rented "Julie & Julia," a fun little film perfect for the evening. But I gotta tell ya, the best thing about the flick - Stanley Freakin' Tucci under the direction of... well.... whoever directed the damn movie portraying Paul Child, husband of Julia.

Paul Child was, quite frankly, a man. And he was portrayed as a man -- an adult, smart, sexual, witty, well-written and well-read, kind, compassionate, brave and for lack of a better term, manly man. Furthermore, it appears that the film depicted the two of them and their relationship quite accurately. They liked each other. They respected each other. They had delicious sexual desire for each other. They talked to each other. They each had individual lives that they loved to intertwine. He was not some obstacle she had to overcome in order to succeed. He was not some ogre enforcing his will nor "shaping" her.

I mention this, because I think if I see one more movie, TV show, commercial, comic or anything else that perpetuates the "all men are over-sexed, unaware, mindless morons" myth, I'm going to fucking explode.

Seriously. My health may be in danger here.

And it's everywhere. In some cases it's blatant, like the sit-coms and commercials who couldn't sell beer or vacuum cleaners if men were, like, competent human beings. But in other cases its couched in "science" and even under the guise of "helping" men understand women. Evolutionary psycho-babble would have you believe that men are just barely containing some inbred need to fuck every female that crosses their path (not true). The PUA and MRA's people promote the idea that lying and deception are simply the natural order for men to get what "they want" and what women are naturally withholding because, ya know, deep down, chicks really like being manipulated and holy-mother-of-god, trained.

Well intentioned neo-feminists are constantly spouting "men, you just need to listen to us" mantra as if being respectful and considerate of another human being were some big fucking revelation. At the same time, you have the aforementioned Ev-psych and PUA idiots spouting shit like "don't blame us for being assholes, we're men."

My girl over at BarefootDreamer posted a lovely list of things men can do for their wives and I agreed with everything on it, only my feeling is that it shouldn't be gender specific. Doesn't everyone want to be treated with respect? Doesn't everyone want to be listened to? Appreciated? Sincerely praised? Wouldn't you, if you loved your husband, want to encourage your husband and make his dreams come true? Shouldn't every adult human being take umbrage at being "told" what to do?

I agreed wholeheartedly with the "tell us your problems but don't act like we are your problem." The trouble is, that's exactly what the entire list was doing. Moreover, it plays straight in to the "all men are mindless morons" paradigm especially at the end with a bit that really bothered me. It was a long list of things a man needs to be to make a woman happy and not screw up then wrapped up with what a woman need to do keep a man happy (Show up naked and bring food. har har.) Maybe your man is a neanderthal but mine isn't. In fact, I doubt neanderthals were that neanderthal.

So here's Ivey's corollary to what is, in fact, I think a wonderful list for how people who want to enjoy their relationships should try to act. These are just a few additional things to consider:

• If your life partner IS ignoring you, it's because he or she is an ass, not because of their gender.
• If your spouse doesn't listen to you, then she or she is a self-absorbed prick (gender not withstanding).
• If your spouse doesn't spend time with you, then he or she may have a priorities problem or they may actually not enjoy spending time with you. Two different problems requiring two different solutions.
• If your spouse doesn't praise you, or encourage you, or try to make your dreams come true then you need to take a look at your specific spouse or the dynamics of your specific relationship, not paint half the human race with the black brush of insensitivity.
• If your husband or wife is habitually condescending or bossing you around, then that person may be a control freak or a jack ass but it's not simply a natural behaviour they have to overcome, it's a character flaw.
• And yes, if your spouse is happier it's likely that you will be happier. But you can't make anyone happy. You could be doing absolutely every fucking thing on this list and still be married to an unhappy, miserable, or unrealistic person. If that's the case, it's sad, but it's not your fault.

Relationships are between people, not concepts, not ideas, not cultures, not even genders -- it's about PEOPLE, people.

HNT -- Vince's View (a)

Happy HNT everyone!

After missing last week, I just couldn't stand to miss another, so late last night, Vincent was once again pressed into service! And I just love the result. This is his one of his many, many views and I must say, I kinda like it. First, a few Ivey facts:

• I have an odd fascination with what "other people see."
• I'm very curious about what Vincent sees, not just when we're having sex, but when we're dining out, riding our motorcycle, working in the yard, doesn't matter. It's all about how he sees the world.
• I think this way figuratively as well as literally.

Happy HNT one and all! Check out the rest of the perspectives over at Osbasso's place!

The ONE

The stars overhead are clear, completely devoid of light pollution so the Milky Way stretch across the southern sky. The sound of the waves lapping the shore, gently because this was the Gulf of Mexico, combine with the ever-present wind rustling the Sea Oats that hold the dunes in place. The temperature is warm, even at 2:00 in the morning; the beach is deserted, part of the Florida State Park system so there are no houses, no development, no stores, no cars, not a single item that would have you believe you are nothing if not the only two people on earth.

It had been a wonderful, natural progression; camping with college friends, an evening of guitars and laughter, he and I chatting late into the night across our sleeping bags and finally deciding to take a walk on the beach to avoid waking our slumbering companions. We found a connection that night, common ground and shared interests. Youth, art, idealism, films, humor, beauty.

I'm 20 years old and the boy is all of 21. We are tangled together in the sand, salt and grit not impeding the passion of our kisses and exploring hands and mouths. My breasts and his chest are exposed, his grip is firm and gentle, his kisses warm and sweet. Slowly he moves his hand farther down... fingers just under the exposed band of my panties... and I stop him.

"I can't."

And it's true, I couldn't. A twenty year old virgin, so caught up in the soul crushing fear of sin and the guaranteed wrath and retribution of God that what could have been, should have been, a wonderful moment of memory just got stacked like cord wood on the vast number of missed opportunities before and after. Fuck!

Fuckity, fuck, fuck!!

A couple of weeks ago, 23 years AFTER that event, I missed my second opportunity to have sex on a beach, which is what brought this little memory to mind.

You see, I was taught from the moment I graced this world, that there was ONE man, ONE who would be "worthy" of intimate congress, ONE that would make what was dirty, sinful, and unclean into something sanctioned by God. And in the same way that I believed the Garden of Eden was a literal place and I knew for certain Jonah lived for three days in the belly of a whale, I knew that God punished sinners and those that broke His holy law. And the wages of sin are death and being cast into the Lake of Fire was a real fucking threat and besides, this sweet, sweet boy would see me as nothing other than the Whore of Babylon once he's "had his way" with me. Oh, and I would no longer be worthy of "the ONE," in fact any ONE worth being the ONE, wouldn't want me anymore since I was no longer pure and waiting just for him.

And for that idiocy I don't have a memory of a fantastic fucking night of sweet sex on a perfect beach on a perfect night. And there are a ton of other memories I don't have either, momentary connections that never happened, physical sensations and pleasures neither felt nor shared. Stupid.

And that, my friends, is one of the many reasons that I do not like religion nor the religious and, furthermore, why I think the bullshit they teach is harmful. Because it is simply not true. Nor were many if not most of the other things I was taught and shaped my life around including gender issues, work, lifestyles, politics, friends, family, and pretty much anything else you can conceive. I'm focusing on the sexual side here because, well, this blog is pretty much about sexual exploration and growth. And here is something key I learned as part of our journey:

Sex is a natural and wonderful part of the human experience. It is not an act the demands punishment nor for that matter judgement. And any sex, good or bad, does not "ruin" you for future sex r relationships. I don't for one fucking moment now believe that had I had that delightful experience in the mid 80s that it would have a negative impact on my relationship with Vince. In fact, I strongly believe that if I'd had more generous, accurate, positive experiences he and I would not have endured years of sexual dysfunction.

I also think I would have made fewer real mistakes. When I finally did become sexually active (and the first time, seriously, "bad" doesn't begin to cover it) I held so many wrong beliefs that I continued to compound problems -- the biggest was the conviction that sex HAD to equal love. It wasn't just that I needed every sexual partner I encountered to like me, I needed them to LOVE me. I also had to love them, whether they were worthy of it or not. They couldn't just be a good time, a lark, or an experience. No, no. I had to know their motives and they'd better be good ones. In fact, it became almost a necessity for the guy to lie to or mislead me just so I could rationalize my own desires and behavior.

From there, it became, in a sense, a race to the bottom as the men I chose were more and more willing to give me what I required (deception), so that I could have what I wanted (sex).

That's not to say they were all losers and bad guys. Some of them really just liked me and wanted to have a good time. Man, I wish I could've recognized and enjoyed that; like I said, I think I would have some wonderful memories now. But a couple of them were downright bad news. The last one before Vince was a drug using, racist, abusive homophobe who, lucky for me, dumped me for the wife of a co-worker. I was devastated. Depressed. And finally realized that I need some fucking therapy.

Two celibate years later, I found Vince. And he is "the one." Not the pre-destined, Jesus approved, magic-man of myth, but the one that chooses -- deliberately and with good judgment, patience, and self-awareness -- to share my dreams, strange as they are. He's the guy who is willing to work, laugh, compromise, grow, share, accommodate, celebrate, sacrifice, and decide every day that I, that we, are worth it. His purpose in life is not to be the living embodiment of every dream I've ever had nor the gatekeeper of every desire and interest that might come to me. But, that said, he wants me to experience life as fully and as richly as I can.

And I want the same for him.

The church was then and is now, wrong. You don't suffer because you connect with people, even if that connection is sometimes momentary, sometimes limited, and maybe even sometimes physical. You suffer when you withhold yourself out of fear. You create suffering when you require others to withhold themselves because of your own fears.

So he is the one that I choose to make this trip with, hopefully a long one. And along the way, we will be open to what comes our way -- one journey, created by two people, shared generously and joyously with friends and loved ones.

Taking a break?

So as I was hopping around the blogs yesterday one post stuck out -- my main man Hubman and Veronica's "Swingshift." In a nutshell, it explains why they've decided to take a break from swinging for a little while:

"As it turns out we've grown frustrated with the work involved in finding playmates. It seems like all we've encountered lately are couples that don't follow up or seem intereseted in, I dunno, actually meeting. Assuming of course that we find them attractive in the first place!"

Read the whole article here.

It was so similar to a few conversations Vince and I had lately it made me wonder if you can take a break from swinging before, I dunno, you've actually swung!

Maybe I'm naive (okay, I am naive) but I had no idea how difficult this would be. Forget, for a moment, the emotional and relationship work it takes to finally get on to the same page. Forget, even further, the amount of personal growth that is required to mentally move from "I'm kinda curious....." to "I think I wanna...." to "I am going to....." Let's say you've finally slogged through all of that and now you're ready to get down to business; well, good luck with that.

Let's take up H&V's statement from our perspective.

"Assuming of course that we find them attractive in the first place!" This has been a bigger kicker for us than I thought. From Vince's point of view -- and one that I really had a tough time with initially because I bought the 'all men are barely contained horndogs' crap -- he really doesn't find a lot of women attractive as in, he's very selective. We've discovered that he certainly has a "type" both physically- and personality-wise but they are a rare breed in the swinging world from what we can tell. One thing he makes perfectly clear, they have to at least measure up to me, and I apparently set his bar pretty high. (He's sweet!)

But the truth is I do set the bar kinda high. First, he has a problem with "shallow." Now these ladies may be the epitome of depth and perspective but if so, they sure hide it well. He's also not too hip with "dumb." Again, lot's of folks talk about being smart in their poorly worded and typo-ridden emails. Maybe the disconnect is just with us. He (and I) also like people who are creative and, well, classy but it's kinda hard to believe the "we're a smart, classy couple" rhetoric when you're staring at 20 photos of ass and pussy in a public profile. Ditto for "discrete."

Sheesh.

Our routine is Vince peruses our swinger site's profiles and bookmarks the ones where he finds the ladies attractive -- and there aren't that many within a reasonable driving distance. He scans the written info because the woman can be hot as hell and if the writing sucks or is non-existant, it's an automatic "pass." From there, I weed out the ones that I'm not that hip, too. After that, I read the profile and see what I think.

This is where my point of view is odder than I thought. I've always been attracted to a wide range of physical types. As long as you appear to take care of yourself, then personality is what matters. Well, I'm getting pickier and I seriously think it has to do with moving from the "forbidden fantasy" to the "sanctioned actuality." It's sort of like when I go shopping. When I don't have any money, everything looks good! When I go back to the store with cash in my pocket ready to spend, I'll look for hours and not find a damn thing I like.

Then we have the problem of NO MALE PHOTOS in the damn public profile. I'm cool if there's no face pic (there isn't one in ours) but no male at all means he's not an asset OR the man doesn't matter; both of which are a turnoff.

Once we settle on, say 10 or 12 profiles we think are interesting, I write an introduction email that is specific to the profile. Usually the first paragraph says exactly what it was that caught our eye. The second paragraph is a quick cut and paste that tells a little more about us that I modify a bit to suit each couple, and the last is how to contact us. All that takes time.

"It seems that all we've enountered lately are couples that don't follow up....." Shoot, they don't respond AT ALL. That's fuckin' rude, especially when you consider that all the sites have a generic "thanks but no thanks" button you can simply click on. Now granted, I don't respond to generic "Hey, wazzzup! Yo, you hot!! Chckd ur profil an pics! Wanna fuck!!" But I do respond to people who at the very least put our screen name somewhere in the email.

Other than the ones I've written about before on Ivey Lane, of all the couples we've contacted we've recieved exactly three responses, not counting the additional spam emails from folks posing as a couple wanting to contact us, but really just pushing their event. "Hey, checked your profile and liked what we saw. You'll have a great time at the ________ party! Only $50 per HAWT couple! See you there, sexies!!"

Jeeez-us!

".... or seem interested in, I dunno, actually meeting." The three that did respond all said something along the lines of "hey, let's get together" but every time we suggest a time a place, they mysteriously go quiet.

To add to all of this, we already knew that we aren't the "party" types with the wacky dress up and the make-a-spectacle-of-yourself behavior. Neither of us ever really have been. We've also learned there's something kinda creepy for us about the swinger bar scene. We'll probably go to another one at some point in the future, but probably only if we're planning on meeting someone that we already know there. Again, neither of us are "meat market" types. Never have been.

On the upside, we're enjoying the vanilla world a lot more! Vince is not only comfortable but confident checking out the lovely ladies at his gigs. I'm much more open to enjoying myself on the dance floor knowing that he's not up on stage getting jealous while I enjoy myself. Together we check out waitresses or others that cross our path and it's a fun game.

When we're out and about we do occasionally encounter people that make us both go 'hmmmmm...." or give us that little jolt. If it's only one of us, we enjoy the jolt and move on. But every once in while, someone turns both our heads and we look at each other and think "how could we make this work?"

We're both more confident and I think it shows. We're also both more "out there" with our humor, our jokes, our interactions with each other and with others. Personally, I'm slowly shedding that constant feeling I used to have of being contained, of not being myself. And people are noticing.

In addition, I have my on-line flirty friends who fullfil a wonderful role in my life right now. Vince knows who they are and appreciates what they do for me and in a way, for him. An interesting phenomenon I realized the other day is that the more I engage my fantasies on-line, the more present I am with him when we're together. We're also able to share and more fantasies together, something we never did before we started this journey.

There's still plenty of room for growth and we're definitely open to and seeking new experiences but I have the feeling when we finally have them they'll be more organic, more of a natural flow from the mutual chemistry and the moment. We're becoming more clearly defined as a couple and more aware of each other as separate individuals.

In the end, I wouldn't say that Vince and I are "taking a break" from our pursuit of adventure but we are relaxing a bit, breathing into it, letting the tension go. Opportunities are on the horizen and we're keeping our eyes open but we're not banging our heads against the wall quite so hard anymore. And that's really all we needed a break from.

HNT -- They eyes have it

Happy HNT one and all!

Hiding the face in HNT shots can be quite a challenge but also quite boring. It's usually an arm across the face, a rear shot, or close crop. But the truth is, it's really about hiding the eyes. So, quickly, a few Ivey facts:

1. My eyes are very expressive. Even when I have my guard up or don't feel like I know you well enough to be fully me, you can tell in an instant if I like or dislike what I'm hearing or seeing.
2. I've been told my eyes "flash" when I'm angry, excited, wanton, joyous, etc.
3. I love to write, but more than that I love to talk face to face, to really get into whatever the topic is. When we're together, you get the full me, all my attention on you.

And I won't take my eyes off you.

For more HNT, visit our man Osbasso!

See you later,
Ivey