First of all, nothing is wrong. In fact, life is pretty freakin' grand right now. On the Lifestyle front, Vince and I have finally -- after two years -- hit our stride. We have friends we play with and are meeting new people regularly. Some of them we plan to attend a party or two with if we can find a party that suits our more laid back style than the one I wrote about here. Some of the couples are indeed developing into friendships, the kind that we enjoy and we may even plan a short trip or two. We've also learned to enjoy encounters that maybe last for one night.
We've planed out, so to speak, in a good way. That doesn't mean we don't have growing to do as individuals and a couple. There are still areas where we disagree but we also know that sooner or later our thinking is going to evolve in some new fashion that we've both yet to anticipate. For me, the sense of frustration, of denial and missing out, is gone; for Vince, I think he's found his comfort zone which allows him to relax and enjoy the people we meet.
However, I've lost all desire to write about it here. Perhaps it's the dramatist in me, but without conflict, where's the story? If there's nothing to overcome, no dragons to slay, no demons to confront, no battle to win, then I lose my desire to chronicle. And I never, ever, want to be an "advice" dispensary. I'm neither qualified nor interested. So what is there to say?
It's been a little over two years since Vince and I started, at my prompting, this particular phase of our adventure, three years since I'd conquered the body-image/self-loathing problem, four or five since I'd confronted both the errors and grace of my family, childhood, and youth. There are, indeed, more demons out there (or rather "in here") to confront. But I think, at least for the rest of the summer, Vince and I are simply going to enjoy our new found openness, albeit while we're working our asses off.
So from time to time I may post a photo or two (LUV me some HNT!) or pop in to say hi. I probably won't give the blow-by-blow (hehe) recap of what's happening around Ivey Lane and in fact, I may decide to start or return to another blog. My inner voice is becoming my outer voice (much to Vince's consternation, I assure you!) and goodness knows I do like to speak my mind! Somewhere.
So I'll leave you with a photo from our latest little jaunt. We were at Arches National Park in Moab, UT. To reach this particular spot you had to climb a trail that the National Park Service dubbed "strenuous," and it was. On the way up and at the top there are no safety lines, guard rails, cautions, anything. If you fall, you will definitely be seriously hurt but most likely you won't survive the 100 - 300 foot drops to the stones below. You can't see them in this photo because we got to the top fairly early, but there were people and kids everywhere, scampering up, down, and over rock formations, leaping across gaps where one slip and it's all the fuck over.
But wow. Just fucking wow was it ever worth it. Some people can't climb up here because they aren't physically or mentally able. Some people won't because they are afraid or not interested. Some will cling to the rock faces and bitch and moan and not enjoy - or ruin for others -- the wonder and beauty that's right in front of them, theirs for the taking. But to miss such a sight? To not try? Because of fear or weakness? Because someone else tells you it's too dangerous or not worth it? Holy hell. Vince and I know that one day we won't be able to make such a climb. These views will only be memories.
And we'll continue to keep our eyes peeled and our hearts open for folks like us to share this journey with, this short and precious life, at least for a mile or two. So this is me -- getting refreshed, taking a break, enjoying the view, and as always, watched over by my beloved Vincent. I'll catch y'all later.
