Saturday, June 19, 2010

Catching up is hard to do

Finally! A Saturday morning to leisurely peruse my favorite blogs, comment here and there, linger over some sexy, sexy, OMG so fucking sexy HNT photos and generally indulge my wandering mind. It's still quite eventful around here so rather than my usual singular long tale I'm going to steal an idea from my girl Emmy and just go for the bullets.

In random order:
  • Health update. I may have mentioned previously that the docs have ruled out the big scaries (MS, Lupus, etc.) and right now the smart money appears to be on -- you guessed it! -- Fybrobyalgia. The pains still come and go with maddening regularity and frustrating unpredictability. Left foot today? Right arm tomorrow? Hands? Neck? WTF. But because this particular ailment is diagnosed by elimination of other maladies I'll be having a few more tests done to rule out a few other slightly more unlikely possibilities like arthritis or other inflammatory disease. One thing I have noticed through keeping a log is that stress and tension seems to precipitate an episode. But I'm no yoga/meditation girl. I like to fight so getting back to karate is a MUST. Vince agrees with this statement whole-heartedly!

  • Speaking of stress, I've had a wonderfully stressful week. I'm usually hesitant to talk about this particular thing because it is so identifying but as I said a few posts ago, I just gotta be me! I opened a play on Thursday. Some of you know I used to make my living as an actor but I haven't been on-stage in a legitimate play since before I got married. The emotions of this have been thrilling and terrifying. Have I still "got it?" Will I remember my lines? OMG what if I go up? (FYI -- "go up" is what happens when you're on stage and suddenly your mind goes abso-fuckin'-lutely blank. Ya got nuthin'. Nuthin' at all to say and everyone I do mean everyone is staring at you and nothing is coming back. It's an awful feeling, to say the least.) But the show opened and yours truly was mentioned in a very positive light. The audience response too has been wonderful. But my friend's in the theater community have been the best. These are people who know good work and their comments have been nothing short of inspiring.

  • The play itself is quite a complicated piece, emotionally and politically. Without going into too much detail, it is about Iraqi women. The research alone has been enraging and gut churning, but to go on stage night after night and rip your soul apart conveying a sense of loss and rage so deep that only the coldest of the cold could dismiss is exhausting. And my beloved Vince, not wanting to spoil the play for himself, wanted me to not tell him too much about it. So for the past few weeks I've been a bit, ahem, troubled. Gender, religion, war, death, justice, injustice and just what the fuck do you do about it? Anyway. Too much to go into here. Too, too much.

  • We had a "date"! :) Last Saturday evening we finally met up with a couple that I've mentioned before that we found through our swinger website. Since we've learned our lesson about just meeting someone for the first time at a restaurant or bar we invited them to come catch a set at the club where Vince's band was playing. On the upside, it makes it easier since we're going to be there anyway. On the downside, since Vince is technically working he only has a few minutes between sets to see if he likes these people or not and he doesn't get to know them well, just a first impression. We also have to be VERY discrete since his co-workers are around and we really want to keep these worlds separate. We'll probably see them again after my play closes. She was cute 'n sexy and he was my kind of good lookin'. I don't know what it is about the sandy-haired white boys but I do think they are hot, hot, hot! In addition they were both very funny and certainly seemed to like us. Anyway, it was a real informal meet and greet type thing but it went well and we can see some potential for "something" happening here. :)

  • Just what that something is though, is TBD. Now ya'll know me, I'm a "oh hell yeah, let's get it ON" kinda gal. Vince, is still my much more reserved and dignified loving partner. We want to meet them again over a game of pool or something where we can actually talk and Vince can get to know them a little bit. If that goes well, what we're probably going to do is see if these folks are interested in taking things kind of slow with us. Possibly some GG and same room and maybe a little soft swap only if everything is going well. They may not be and that's a problem. They've been in the Lifestyle 10 years and were actually swingers before they got married. It is simply a part of their lives. On the Lane it's still all new and can be a bit intimidating. Anywhooo.... it certainly could be real fun if we can just get out of our own way.

  • I have a love/hate relationship now when it comes to reading the real-life exploits of people I've grown to know through their blogs. Part of me lives vicariously; enjoying not only the events but the way they choose to express in writing the visceral sensations of sex, the ideas explored, the fantasies made flesh, the inner desires satisfied or at the very least, experienced. The other part of me is green, green, GREEN with envy. Envious Ivey. That's me. See, I am blessed with a staggering imagination, one so gripping I can actually feel the sensations and emotions that I conjure up to match the narrative. I don't know if it's a talent that makes me a good actor or if because I'm an actor I've developed that skill but either way, when I read your stories I get a physical jolt out of them. I always thought everyone was the same way.

  • So, though I am thoroughly satisfied and happy with Vince and my sex life together, I do have fantasies that I'd like to fulfill that cannot be accomplished without the involvement of other people -- female people, male people. People who share my interest in exploring the wider range of their sexuality. I have had fantasies of group sex, lesbian sex, multi-male sex, light bondage and slightly sub/dom sex, since I can remember fantasizing about sex. All I need is a reasonably attractive, nice partner(s) who share the same desire.

  • Vincent is actually the opposite. Part of what we've discovered on this journey of mutual exploration -- and probably the most surprising thing to me -- is that he simply has never had these types of out of the norm sexual fantasies. The thought of him with two women? Never crossed his mind till I suggested it. Group sex? Not on his radar and still a surreal idea. Mild nor wild bondage? Nope. Role play? Nada. It's not that he's turned off by any of this; he was simply never been turned on. He doesn't have these types of fantasies, his curiosity isn't driven that direction. At all. So, in our foray into the world of swinging (god, we hate that term), what we've discovered is that I am simply revealing a part of myself that has always been there but that I've repressed -- an experience seeking sexual adventurer. Vincent is searching for or trying to develop something that he's never considered or been. Two people, one path, VERY different journeys.

So, ladies and gents of the blogosphere, that's where my head's been lately. That and enjoying reading your posts, finding a few friends along the way, visiting your lives, learning about my own, figuring out how to build the life I'm want without burning down the one I have.

Forward, forward I say! Not one step back.


  1. I'm so glad to hear they are getting closer to a diagnosis! All the tests suck, but getting closer has got to make up for it.

    The play sounds exhausting due to the emotion.

    I do understand the "two people, one path, very different journeys" comment. What I have enjoyed out of the lifestyle and all is a bit different than what my husband has enjoyed. Just a couple of days ago, we had this same conversation. Sounds like you guys are figuring it out which is the important thing :)

  2. We also are on two different paths when it comes to our "swinging", but that is how all of life is.
    My wife is a wild , no plan needed, dive into the water without looking type person.
    She wants thrills.
    I am a contemplative planner who wades into everything slowly.
    She is the gas, I am the breaks.
    We are always in a state of compromise on the when, how, who, why, how long, etc... of every bit of our lives.

  3. Damn you've been busy! I'm glad to hear that they're getting closer to a diagnosis, amusing of course that leads to a treat plan for you!

    The lifestyle bullets remind me just how much I enjoy virtually accompanying you on your journey. I remember those days of envious blog reading, and I suspect that someday others will be reading your blog and thinking the same thing!

  4. Congrats on hearing that the scary biggies are out :) also another huge congrats for your play opening. What a huge accomplishment for you!