Disengaged

Before I get into the post proper I have to introduce you to my favorite distraction this week -- Harley!! This pampered, persistent, preening pooch is my parents dog and we're puppy-sitting this week while they are on vacation. She's a great dog and we -- being dog people without a dog right now -- love having her around. That said, my parents are beyond insane when it comes to how she's taken care of. We are the only people on the planet they'll entrust her to and even then it's with the caveat that we are barely acceptable and that they are sincerely hoping we'll rise above our usual level of incompetence to adequately carry out their detailed (and in some cases absurd) instructions. Seriously, my mother demonstrated how to cut up her hot dog treats before she left. Last time she left a diagram demonstrating how to hide a pill in the hot dog.


Anywhoo, demanding as she is, we like having Her Highness around.

But to the title: Disengaged. I've been feeling a bit disengaged from the blogosphere for a few weeks. Every day I cruise my favorite blogs and read your stories but I find that I have nothing of value to contribute; and since I'm one of those who tries to say nothing when I have nothing to say, there haven't been any comments on your posts. I've regressed into lurker. That sucks. Seriously. And I also noticed that I've started skipping a few blogs that held my interest before.

So being the over-analytical type that I am I've been pondering this phenomenon. The first thing I asked myself is "Is it just the blogs or is this a trend across interactions e.g. other 'vanilla' blogs, Facebook, swinger sites, email, real life?"

The first thing that was very clear was that it applied to my vanilla blogs as well -- mainly news and political sites. I just don't want to read them right now. And if I really want to lose faith in my fellow man in general I read the comments after pretty much ANY political article. I really feel as is I'm living in the land of Dumbfuckistan. And it's not just the vitriolic content of what people are saying -- I'm cool with disagreement and differing points of view -- but the complete and utter contempt people have for correct communication is killing me. I've said before, I'm a word nerd -- punctuation matters, spelling matters, capitalization matters. And that's just the bare minimum. Tenses matter, verb-noun agreement matters. Shit! I'm no grammar Nazi (though my editor for my pro-work definitely falls in that category and I'm grateful for her anal-retentive nature) but I just don't want to engage people who can't fuckin' string a fuckin' sentence together!


I next observed my ennui applied to Facebook. With the exception of Vince, I pretty much work alone so Facebook provides the "office chatter" that most people take for granted. The perky exchange of views, the joke shared in the hall, the idle chit-chat that forms a community or culture. And I keep a pretty clean Facebook presence and by that I mean that I don't "friend" or accept requests from every Tom, Dick, or Harriette that crosses my path. But lately it seems there's more inane crap than I can stand. Honestly, do you have to let the world know when you're going to the grocery store?


But I have been enjoying a few IM chats with some old friends who live farther away and with whom I've recently reconnected. No surprise, they are pretty much all men. But it's fun and flirty and delightful and they make me laugh. There are a few ladies -- very few -- but I've discovered they are more like me; almost masculine in our communication and debate/discussion styles. You rarely see "OMG this is just awful!" comments and instead have a list of observations and verifiable, or at least debatable, facts followed by a conclusion.


So yeah, I've been kind of stepping out of the FB world too.


The swinger sites are also boring me a bit these days. When we first started this journey I read forums, profiles, and enjoyed looking at the photos and info found there. These days I might check them every few days but only to check for mail. I've tired of the tire kickers. Of sending out emails without even the courtesy of a response. Of finally meeting people and having everything go great ("Hey you guys are awesome/just our type/let's get together soon/etc.) only to have the couple flake out or worse, get weird.



A&J have become beyond a disappointment. They're the ones we'd given up on because they would send "let's get together sometime" emails then every time we invited them somewhere were unavailable. Then we didn't hear from them. Then we did but it was J (the husband) sending me texts asking for pics. Constantly. Now Vince would like to have someone send him pics too but he's a little more reticent to just ask but has recently gotten over that. So he sent A an text and she responded but only with very plain texts. Still no invites or indication that they want to get together OTHER than J saying we should do it "sometime."


Then we met a couple that seemed pretty cool, K&A, but they had a few red flags. Now they were both sexy, funny and friendly but they aren't married and have only been together two years. Okay, we can deal with that and our date night with them was a ton of fun. No play, but we all had a great time. This time, Vince sent an email through the site telling them we had a great time, would like to get to know them better, and invited them to text us if they wanted. He also added that if she (K) was interested, he loved seeing sexy photos. She sent back a very nicely worded email that she and A had decided they didn't want to text or email with only one half of the couple and she was sure he'd understand because he's "cool like that."

No problem, we get that and it seemed to make good sense for a new couple who were finding their way.


The next fucking day he gets a text from her with a very sexy pussy shot and a note that basically says she'd love to share pics but they'd have to do it on the hush-hush. In other words, she was doing it behind A's back. Fuck. Vince let her know that as much as it pained him to turn her down, if A wasn't cool with it then he'd have to wait until A was. That's too big of a red flag for us, the idea that she's willing to deceive her partner and draw Vince into being a co-conspirator in her deception. So K&A are off the list too.


We went to great meet and greet but being the dumb (and in my case slightly drunk) asses that we are, we didn't get the contact info for the one couple we hit it off with. We sent a note to the hosts who said they passed on our info but haven't heard back and probably won't.


We had a great date this past week with an awesome couple -- K&M! Funny, sexy, smart! She's is a model (I kid you not) and he is photographer. Furthermore, she's a country girl (like me) and he's a city boy (like Vince.) And it gets better, he's from Long Island and has the personality to match! He and Vince got along like peas in a pod. On the downside -- they live about four hours away. The only reason we got to meet was because we were in their area on business. So we left it with "let us know when you're in town" and maybe, just maybe, we'll see them again.


Sigh. Vince and I sucked at dating when we were single and it appears we haven't improved with age. So yeah, true to long ago form, I find myself disengaging from the "dating scene" because I can't seem to make it work. Sigh again.


In vanilla life we're losing friends left and right. The neighbors we hung out with moved away; the couple that used to host our regular card game did the same. My best friend moved an hour away but even though we have no trouble driving that far she now finds herself in the miasma that is taking care of an aging and unwell parent. Another friend is preparing for the arrival of his first child and will soon, at the age of 45, find his lifestyle has changed forever. The last two are the ones who I've known for 18 or so years; the people with whom the conversations can go from deep to absurd to inappropriate to silly to supportive in a matter of seconds. I need them. Or rather, I want people like them in my life.


So for mostly positive reasons, our current social circle is disengaging from us.

The bright spot, at least for me, has been the personal phone calls and emails with my new and old friends, vanillas and swingers/bloggers. I think what I want now is more depth and less breadth. I want to know some of you better and that takes the sort of time and removal of barriers that reveals more of the inner being. I want to explore with a few people what lies beyond "friendly acquaintance" or sexual attraction or even simply shared interest to genuine connection. I want to know if what appears to be budding friendship can survive getting to know one another or if we are no more than a mutual audience for each other's somewhat narcissistic ramblings.


Maybe that is asking a bit too much of others? Perhaps it is beyond my capabilities? But either way I think that is the essence of my disengagement -- wanting less of the surface and more of the substance.

HNT -- Behind Bars

FYI -- When I titled this post I was referring only to the effect in the photo. But now, after spending freakin' HOURS trying to get online an a high-end hotel where I'm currently staying for business I have to say I feel like I'm behind bars here too. All I have to say is any hotel that doesn't freakin' offer FREE wireless in the year 2010 does NOT get my money willingly! 'Nuf!!

Anyway, happy HNT my lovelies! I'm hours late but I hope you enjoy this fresh out of the shower view. ;)

And do make the rounds at Osbasso's for more half-nekkid loveliness!

Ivey

Monday musings

I may have mentioned that the reason I haven't been writing a lot isn't because I have nothing to say. In fact, it's more like there is just too much. Observations, mental meanderings, wandering and random thoughts have been rolling around my noodle so I'm going to off-load a few.

Blogroll. You'll notice I added a few new folks to the blogroll so welcome GoodWill, Blue-eyed Bader, and Hands in My Pants! I've been reading you guys for a while but keep clicking through from other folks blogrolls and that can get to be a bit much. I'm pretty slow about adding new people and usually only do so after I've been reading someone for a while. Really, it's just a place for me to have easy access to their links. I'm not much of a "reciprocal" blogroller type.

Swinging. On the swinger front, Vince and I are back in the game, or at least we're trying to be. LOL We finally gave up on the most promising prospects (A&J) because they just keep flaking out on us and that gets tedious. But it's interesting that since our little dust up, Vince has turned a corner, an enjoyment/relaxation corner. There have also been a few very good blog posts recently by some of you guys that have been most helpful -- especially Sadie's recent post by her hubby. We're emailing with a few folks and have some we're trying to get together with so we'll see how it all goes.

Sex. OMG the sex has been just awesome around here. We're back to our daily grind (hehe) of once a day or so fuck-fest. That's the way I like it too. I'm not a girl who does well anymore without a regular rogering. But it is taking a toll on the furnishings. I was hanging some art over our bed and had to move it out. The picture is of the baseboard. It seems that our ahem, enthusiastic playtime is slamming the bed frame into the wall.... ah.... vigorously. I think I may need to do something about that.

Food. I love to cook! And I enjoy eating but as I mentioned last week I've rejoined WeightWatchers. Now talk of weight, especially my own, bores me stupid but I am having a ball with the recipes. One of my favorite desserts is Carrot Cake and this is their version and let me say people, it fucking rocks! I made this one from scratch and took part of it to a neighbor and the rest we took to dinner with some friends. Delish!

Distances. I really hate that some of you are so freakin' far away. Seriously. I'm so jealous of Hubman right now I can't stand it. California, Illinois, Massachusetts, Tennessee, Oregon, Texas and some of you I'm not sure where you are but I know it ain't Florida. Grrrrr!! I'd love to have lunch or grab a drink with a lot of you. Sure, the internet makes the world smaller in one way, but it's still a big, big world.

Blog life. Most of you don't know this but I had another vanilla blog before I started Ivey Lane and I haven't written a word in it since April. Some of those readers are now writing to me on FB and wanting me to start it again. The thing is my other blog isn't anonymous; and my family started reading it and taking it wayyyyyyy too seriously. Worse, they started chiming in with their opinions on my take on things -- which kinda sucks. I liked writing that blog but the freedom of writing for "strangers" is part of what I enjoy here.

I think we'll have something pulled together for HNT this week but in the meantime, I'll leave you with this shot. Every morning I bike by this place, sometimes I just hang out here for a little while too.

What I'm enjoying today (Inspired edition!)

Today's post is brought to you by, or rather inspired by, Another Suburban Mom who posted a little list of things she was enjoying today. I loved it. Short, simple, to the point. A great post! (In fact, I titled this one "Inspired edition!" in honor of her.) But since it's me, my version will be a bit different.

With the events of the past month, it could seem like I haven't been enjoying much at all and that's part of the challenge of blogging. Yes, it's a wonderful place to talk through troubles and challenges and to reach out to people when you're hurting but it is only a small fraction of life. Moreover, so much of what I enjoy usually doesn't start that way. So with her post in mind, I kept a little mental log of my day and here's what I'm enjoying today:

My thighs are screaming. I mean they freakin' hurt! But I am enjoying it for a number of reasons. First, they got that way thanks to an awesome weekend. Vince's band had a gig a few hours away in a great Florida resort town and for this gig, spouses got to go along. I spent Friday and Saturday night dancing my ass off with a couple of the other wives and girlfriends in a sexy, upscale club to some of the best music around. And yours truly can still get low, low, low in a tight dress and insanely high heels. Getting back up, now that's another story and hence the sore thighs but I don't care. When I think about where Vince and I were two years ago, what we've done, come through, and emerged with, I love those sore thighs.

While we were on our little trip we went to the beach. While I was there, sitting next to my beloved spouse soaking up some sun, I enjoyed a phone call with a blogger friend. Nothing risque, just a few laughs, some exchanged information, and perhaps a little more growth in what seems to be a cool friendship. But this is a friend that I do exchange a little naughtiness with on occasion and he and Vince got to say hello. I'm not a gal who can enjoy herself if I feel I have to hide something from Vince. Just can't. We came through our little dust up with a new appreciation not only for our marriage but for the friends we have, those we share, and those who are developing. Knowing people with whom I can share more pieces of myself brings joy to my life.

The reason I noticed the pain in my legs so much is because I was on my bicycle this morning taking my usual morning ride. I love to exercise, not because I need it (though I do) but because it's become a part of who I am. I look forward to the heat, the sweat, the exertion in many ways because I can. This morning was an hour long ride on an awesome trail near my house. I do this three times a week. Three other mornings I do 30 minutes on the trail and 30 minutes lifting weights and I enjoy every minute.

On my ride back I stopped at our local produce market which is just a couple of blocks from home and picked up fresh local vegetables for supper. It's a great place and they have a huge yellow lab that always come out to say hello. I enjoy dogs of all sorts! And I enjoy cooking and right now the house is filled with the smell of home made soup that I'll nosh on the rest of the week! I really enjoy that smell but I also love the fact that Vince is going to get home in a hour or so to the rich aroma of a home cooked meal. He loves that, and of course, I love that he does.

Of course, I also enjoy eating and as many of you know, I have a life-long battle with weight that usually kicks my ass. But a few weeks ago I rejoined Weight watchers and at today's meeting the scale was down again. Now I enjoyed the fact that I've shed a few pounds, but in the past when I lost weight it was different; I believed I had to lose the weight first THEN I could enjoy my life. Now, I'm enjoying my life (and my body, and my friends, and dressing up, and being naked) anyway. It's a great feeling realizing that I don't have to wait for the weight to come off before I can do all the things I've wanted to do.

I finished a major portion of a work project and I must say, I enjoy my work. It's useful, creative, educational, fun, and fulfilling. More importantly, I work with Vince. More importantly than that, we determine how we spend our time and I enjoy that very much. Today, in addition to the above, I went to the grocery store, folded the laundry, and am sitting down to write a post. Tomorrow I may take my little laptop with me to my local nude resort and get a little more work done hanging out naked at a pool. Can you get any more joy than that?! I mean seriously, my clients have never once asked me what I was wearing or where I was when I answered their email or worked on their project. ;) Heck, today I was taking calls and sending email during my ride.

Later tonight I'm going to work on plans for a dinner party Vince and I are going to throw in a few weeks. I love dinner parties!! We usually host 3 or 4 other couples and enjoy coming up with a good guest list. We like to have a mix of people who may or may not know each other but who we think bring something interesting to the table. In fact, that's all they ever have to bring -- an opinion, a little intelligence, and lot of laughs. I'll spend the day of the party setting the table and making table arrangements, cooking prep, and stocking the liquor cabinet. Drinks at 6:00, dinner served at 6:30ish, and after that who the hell knows where it'll go? Heck, I enjoy just anticipating the good time that is on it's way! :)

At some point, I'm going to answer a few emails from some other really cool people -- the on-line community of friends that are moving from "readers" to real people. You guys make me laugh, make me think, and on more than a few occasions have picked up my spirits. I enjoy discovering you guys and gals. I never ceased to be amazed at just how fascinating you are. I hope to meet a few of you in person some day but even if we never get the chance, my world is richer because you're in it.

Much later tonight, I'm planning to jump Vince. Seriously. And I'm planning to enjoy it immensely! I'm thinking candle light, sexy lingerie, a few of our toys perhaps and a fucking, sucking, pounding, playful, handful of boobs and hair, hanky-spanky, rip the headboard off the wall throw down. Due to biological reasons beyond my control, let's just say I'm primed. ;) I soooooo enjoy fucking my husband and if it's possible I enjoy the fact that I want to even more than that. Rediscovering the sexy, opening up the possibilities, and sharing all of that with a partner is a-maz-ing!

Oh, and I expect a few of you will crop up into our fantasy play as well, in fact more than one, maybe more than one at once, certainly more than one gender (LOL), and in multiple positions and scenarios.

And ladies and gents lemme tell ya, I enjoy the hell out of that.

HNT -- I'm back!

Greetings my lovelies and happy, happy HNT!! It's been a while but finally, FINALLY my sexy is coming back to the full and awesme force it was before the... you know... reset.



Anywhoo, last week Vince needed a lift to pick up our motorcycle from the shop, which is way-the-hell-n-gone from where we live. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, wants to work on a 30-year old bike! On the way there it occured to me that on the way back I would be driving right by our favorite adult store. Now, when you're a "queen-size" girl buying pretty, sexy lengerie can be intimidating, but this store carries a couple of really cool brands that are simply fantastic.

Or at least I think so.

More importantly, Vince thinks so.

What do you think?

And after the photo session, the REAL session began!

Check out the rest of the half-nekkid-ness over at Osbasso's!

Ivey