Saturday, December 11, 2010

Vanilla with a touch of cinnamon on top

It seems that we've stumbled upon a theme this past week-- friendship! A week ago my sexy blogger friend Hubman came to town and hung out with me and Vince. That same week a couple of real-life crossover friends (Yikes!) joined the three of us for dinner. Two days after that, we enjoyed a few days hanging out with an FWB couple. And night before last, my uber-best real-life friend came over for an evening of chit chat, chuckles, and charm.

Let me tell you a bit about her as well as our larger circle of friends. First of all, I'll call her Claire since that's sooooo much more elegant than repeating "my friend" a gazillion times in a post. Claire is quite possibly the most intellectually and spiritually gifted person I've ever met. She is a college professor, writer, artist, actress, organizer, and overall good egg. When I'm with her I feel smarter, better, more generous, more witty, and pretty much better about the totality of the life and the universe. And none of that is my doing, by the way. It is merely reflected light.

When Vince and I had our struggles as we were starting down this path it was her I'd call, even though I couldn't tell her exactly what the problem was. She intuited it as relationship "growth" and as always, returned wise counsel along with a whopping dose of humor. But she doesn't pry. We don't "share", we just, well, talk to each other like people!

She and I have known each other for about 20 years and been friends for about 18, close friends for the last 10 or so. We have much in common; we're both Florida Crackers with similarly challenging family histories, both love the arts and literature though she can actually quote both Yeats and Plato in casual conversation and I have to plan in advance. She's also had quite the adventurous journey that's included lesbian lovers, "torrid" sexual adventures, passionate love affairs, one disastrous marriage and one that is the envy of all of see it. She's just totally awesome! If I ever needed anyone to help me bury a body, she's who I'd ask. (Thanks for the tip Emmy!)

If there was anyone, and I mean ANYONE, who I could talk to about our adventures it would be Claire. Not only would she not judge, she would be totally discreet, and offer sound advice.

But I don't, and I won't, tell her about Ivey Lane because the secret would be a burden (on her) and an unknown (for Vince). We share a pretty cool circle of friends of artists, musicians, actors, directors, etc. And within the close circle of about 5 or 6 of us I think they too would not judge or at least, not condemn Vince or I. But if it went beyond that little group (and artists can be a gossipy bunch!) it would become a delicious tidbit of salacious gossip and my private, quiet, fabulous Vincent would lose his peace of mind. I can't do that to him. In addition, Claire would now be sitting on a bit of information that she couldn't casually throw into another conversation; I can't do that to her.

So Claire is my "vanilla" friend with a spoonful of cinnamon on top. She's no clown; I'm sure she suspect something but as long as Vince and I are happy she will neither pry nor push. I hinted in a comment on Minority Report's blog one of the reasons I don't have many women friends. Claire is a perfect example of a non-traditional woman, like me. Love, love, love her!

And tonight, our friends who joined us for dinner with Hubman are coming over again. It's not a "date" but I have to tell you it is nice having people around with whom you can talk freely, laugh, and joke. But it's not enough for anyone -- vanilla or lifestyle -- to just be "sex-ay!" We realize it's a high bar to set, but our "friends" have to be like Claire, and our FWB couple, and our other spicy vanilla friends. What we've come to understand about ourselves is we're not in this just to fuck. You've got to bring SOMETHING ELSE to the table as well. You've got to truly be a friend.


  1. Amazingly well put and well said. I love your last 2 sentences. C-Man

  2. I love your description of your friend!

    Enjoy your company tonight and please say hi to them for me!

  3. Your friend sounds awesome. I would love to meet her in person.