So our intrepid adventurers, Ivey and Vincent, go back to the drawing board once again. The good news is that we did learn a lot from Bill and Reanne, primarily that we needed more info.
Now I'm a researcher. I just loves me some books and blogs!! There were a few that I'd found before but they were mostly forums from Swinger sites and I'm now rapidly learning that most of what you read on those sites is primarily fantasy or at the very least, fiction. I don't mean to be harsh… oh hell, who am I kidding? This blog is MY inner voice I get to be fuckin' harsh folks! I don't know if the vast majority of people are shallow, stupid, or just poor communicators but I can only take so much "I said 'hi' then we fucked" stories before I want to slam my head in a door.
So we posed the question "How do Newbies meet people?" on our site's forums and got a few good responses. Mostly, folks recommended Meet and Greets. For those who might not know, a meet and greet is exactly what it sounds like – an event, generally at a vanilla club, bar, or restaurant that's been rented out for the occasion, so people can mix and mingle and get to know a lot of folks at one time. For Newbies, it is generally ideal because there is no on-site play, and everyone there is looking for the same thing – chemistry.
The problem with just setting up a date from the site, we were told, is that experienced couples generally shy away from newcomers because of the potential for "drama" and/or the "flake" factor. And two inexperienced couples just going out to dinner together is a recipe for disaster especially in our case where Vincent isn't a "typical" swinger guy chomping at the pussy bit. Apparently, it's so odd in the Lifestyle for the guy NOT to be Mr. Pushy, that most couples literally don't know how to deal with it.
To make matters even more challenging, I hate to say it, but our area is apparently pretty lame in the ol' swinger world. There was one "swinger club" in town but its reputation was horrific. Another had recently folded after only being open a few months. Another was trying to open and for a couple of weeks, we kept riding by periodically on a Friday or Saturday night to see if there was a crowd but none ever materialized. They got panned on the swinger board and as far as we know, they too, went out of business.
Our swinger site hosts parties in a city a couple of hours away but in addition to the distance, they are almost always theme parties e.g. Naughty School Girls, Angels and Demons, Law and Order, etc., etc. Now I like a good party as much as the next girl, but do I really have to dress up in a zany, risqué costume in order for someone to get to know the real me? Do I have to make my private, introverted husband put on a toga so we can find some people "like us?" Also, neither Vince nor I were into fraternity/sorority party antics when we were in college, we sure as hell ain't into it now.
OK. So the sponsored parties are out. However, there is a couple not too far from us that hosts a private pool party during the summer and one of the respondents to our question suggested we go. The good news – they seem like really nice folks. The bad news – it's a Naked Pool Party and once again, we get back to thing that we just aren't zany folks. Now I'm perfectly comfortable at a nude resort but Vince, again, private kinda guy, not so much. He'll go. But he won't make a spectacle of himself (so-to-speak.) Add to that the idea that everyone's nude AND looking to size you up for sexual compatibility AND you may or may not be the oldest couple at the event AND the photos of the hosts look like Ken and Barbie well, the no pressure idea is now out the window.
"But hey, they won't be pressuring you to have sex! They just want to meet you!" Fine, you idiot, but the pressure isn't from THEM it is from US. Because just like every other social situation in the world, you are still going in not knowing a soul. The pressure is can we relax?
Will we fit in? Suddenly, we both feel like we're in Jr. High again and the popular kid is throwing a skating party and not only do we not know how to skate we don't know why we were invited.
Once again, good news. The hostess of the party is having a birthday and they decide to throw a huge bash at a vanilla club in their area and invite us to join them. We suck it up. Get dressed in our sexy attire. And go.
It's about an hours drive away and the place is huge. Vincent is very nervous and once again, I feel like I can't show any fear. We decide to have a glass of wine at the bar then go to the party and switch to Ginger Ale. We end up having two glasses of wine but manage to stick to the Ginger Ale routine when we finally screw up our courage to go to the party.
The band was loud and the place was jumping. It was also very clear that this was a pretty close knit group and NOT really a meet and greet. We met the host briefly to thank him for the invite and introduced ourselves to the guy from the website who suggested we come to the party. They were both very nice but it WAS THE WIFE'S 40th BIRTHDAY. We felt like total party-crashers. It also started to heat up on the dance floor. The birthday girl was singing a lot of the songs and her friend's were joining in. Everyone was having a ball and getting crazy drunk. Girls were grabbing ass and getting pretty bendy on the dance floor. Guys were gulping their drinks and leering watching. Lots of GG tongue action on stage, on the dance floor, ass-smacking and pussy revealing galore.
Oh, and did I mention this wasn't a private event?
No? My, my. How did that escape me? The party goers were only about 25 percent of the crowd. The rest were regular vanilla patrons. We actually ended up striking up a conversation with a few of them who were a bit, ahem, shocked by the behavior.
"Oh my god! Did you see that? That woman just completely French kissed that other woman! OMG!! Do you have any idea who those people are?"
"We have no idea." Only a half lie.
Again, discretion seems to be a bit of a problem. We actually asked the host about it before we decided to attend ("We have three kids and own a business. We are very discrete!") I'm beginning to seriously wonder if my understanding of that word is somehow out of date.
Overall, we had a good time. Or at least, we didn't have a bad time. But my frustration is growing. Part of Vincent's and my agreement as we pursue this is that we only go as fast as the slowest person. Guess who's who. I don't realize it, but Vincent's comfort level with the idea of swinging is improving but he is growing damn tired of being the bad guy, always cast in the role of the "slow" one. I, on the other hand, feel as if I'm "so close but so far" away from what I'm looking for and I am chaffing under the leash. I am a person of action. Standing on a sideline is not for me. Being a wall-flower at a party is not my style. Vincent will not be pushed. Can't be done. Don't fuckin' try.
So another step forward and another couple of lessons learned -- little more talking, a little more adjusting for the other, a lot more understanding of who we are as individuals and a couple. The amazing thing is, we took the lesson… and decided to try again.
About a month later our swinger site group had found a local bar that was willing to turn over Saturday nights to the Lifestylers. The bar is in a good location and a lot close to us. They put out a notice on the site and off we go.
We get to the bar about 10:00 pm and there is NO ONE there, maybe three or four cars in the parking lot. We decide that maybe we're just too early and go to a nearby bar for an hour before we go back. At 11:00 pm, we go back and sure enough, there are more cars in the lot and we decide what the hell, we're here. So we go to the door, to pay our admission.
Behind the counter, checking people in, is an absolutely gorgeous woman! She is hot. Indescribably hot. OMG hot. Now Vincent and I have both worked in film and entertainment so we're not unaccustomed to beautiful people, but we'd never been around one who was there, as she said, because she "likes to fuck and likes to help other people meet people fuck them." Okay then. Where's the bar?
We head on in and there aren't many people there, maybe 15 or 20 total, including the host and hostess. We go to the bar and I order my Ginger Ale and Vincent get's a beer. After a few moments, a vivacious, beautiful woman around 26 years old joined us. Allie was a Unicorn, invited to help host and to introduce people around. She was a fantastic hostess – funny, smart, sexy but not obnoxious. We finally met someone who we could be ourselves around. Allie took a shine to us and after chatting with us for about 15 minutes, said "hey, you're here to meet people. I'm a single female and everybody wants to meet me. So let's go mingle!"
There weren't a lot of folks to mingle with but we did manage to meet one couple that was great, wayyyyy more advanced that we are, but they were fun, funny and again very normal, more "like us." It wasn't a click with anyone but we had an absolutely lovely time. There were a number of folks not to our liking but we were quickly able to assess why – they seemed to have that bored, "I'm so over it" air that comes when you're jaded and bitter. I wouldn't have cared for those folks at any party, not just this one. We were about the same age, maybe only a few years older, but in looks, we pretty much fit in.
We laughed with the group and the hot hostess joined us for a while. The cool couple told us about some of their experiences (Wow. That's all I can say. Wow.) and answered a few of our questions. The only down note is that again, we got that puzzled look at one point when Vincent admitted that he'd never wondered about three-somes or four-somes before I'd mentioned it to him. At least they were polite enough not to either laugh or snort. And other than Allie, there wasn't anyone there who floated Vincent's boat. As for me, I'm pretty easy to please. Like I've said before, I want experiences and am attracted to a wide range of people.
Allie was soaking up the attention and putting on a fantastic show. The cool couple we met tried to take her home but she turned them down graciously. They and their friends got bored pretty quickly since there never were more than about 20 people there so they left about mid-night. As we'd entered, we told the hot hostess that we were new. It was she who directed Allie our way. On our way out, she asked us if we had a good time and told us they'd love for us to come to their parties sometime (about two hours away) and that they'd introduce to "tons of people." The hot girl said she thought I was super-dishy. She and Allie both said they like girls with plenty of booty (of which I have plenty), "somethin' to grab" they said. I wasn't wearing a bra and my glass-cutter-like nipples were responding quite predictably to all the praise and attention. The next thing I knew, Allie's hands were on my ass and Hot Hostess was feeling up my boobs and playing with my nipples. Vincent was watching with a bemused smile on his face, enjoying the view. I was getting so wet I was sure it was about to run down my legs.
I loved it. And I want more, more, more!
We ended up going home, having great sex, and thinking that finally -- Finally! -- we are getting somewhere.
Stay tuned. Next up -- A trip to Trapeze: or Advanced Studies.