What a year!!

So this evening I'm sitting here, alone, and contemplating a hell of a year! First, when you're married to a musician, you get used to having the "big" nights on your own. This evening, my beloved Vincent is playing a gig in south Florida and I'm delighted. One of the incredible and unexpected benefits of our foray into swinging is a closeness and confidence that is out of this world. Whether he's here or not, I feel his love so deeply in my heart. Moreover, my "missing him" has continued it's evolution from a sense of loss at his absence, to a sense of joy at his adventure. Beautiful.

In January of last year, we had yet to "play" with anyone and it still wasn't clear if we ever would. But 2010 brought more amazing people into our lives, who taught us a few lessons, and who held our hands in a sense as we transitioned into being more open, and more together. Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart.

I lost a few friends and neighbors last year -- some to death and some to simply moving on. All of these losses continue to remind me that life is both short and precious. Every day that we limit ourselves, withhold our best, and deny experiences and joy to others, is one more "loss". A lost day. A missed connection. An opportunity to give and receive that is never, ever coming back.

Our "real life" -- the one of work and money and clients and efforts -- continued to grow and expand last year, even in a pretty tough economy. And it continues to be so incredibly satisfying. What we do isn't rocket science or brain surgery, but it is useful and in my opinion makes the world a better place. Who could ask for more from their "job?"

We have both expanded and deepened some of our friendships, and offered some measure of forgiveness for a few others that we thought were beyond salvaging. A success, as far as I'm concerned. In the coming year, I hope we continue to deepen those that are forming and add a few more to the mix. Don't want to get greedy though. I'm happy with a few good friends rather than a ton of acquaintances.

As noted in last week's HNT, this year has represented a sea-change in my happiness with my body, not only what it looks like, but what it can do. Vince and my sex life is smokin'! As I joke with him, If I go more than 36 hours without a rockin' rogering I'm a cranky-puss! The only solution is a headboard rippin', bend me over, pull my hair (or just stroke me slow, deep, and sweet) fucking.

I've enjoyed my foray into bi-curiosity and look forward to more, more, more! I just need to quit getting so caught up in the moment that I forget to make suggestions! More importantly, Vince has had a sea-change revelation of his own. While I don't presume to speak for him, we are looking forward not only to the ladies (for me AND for him) but also for me to enjoy and explore a few new men, a touch of "strange" so to speak.

But so much of this year has truly been about love. Love for Vincent above all. Love for friends and family. Learning to enjoy and express love and affection without fear or threat of loss. Not in a sappy, silly, or self-destructive way, but as a person who sees the world, as the great writer William Saroyan once said, "with a clear eye and a kindly heart."

The year 2010 has brought me, and ultimately Vincent, many steps closer to that ideal. So even with the bad days, the losses, the challenges, I cannot say that this was a "bad" year. It was wonderful! (Raises wine glass to the computer screen) Thank you all for sharing it with me.

With love,
Ivey