Saturday, February 5, 2011

36-365 Night drive

Yesterday was my parents 49th wedding anniversary. I've already been informed that next year's blowout better be impressive so I expect to start the party planning tomorrow. Of course, as we were driving home from dinner, I realized I hadn't taken a photo; this shot is the result of my procrastination.
It's kind of fitting though. Some of you may have noticed a reduced amount of flirtiness from me lately, a certain quietness on all things sex-ay. Truth is, I think I'm in a bit of a slump. And since I am me, this has given me a few things to think about.

1. "Lower libido" does not feel like "I'm to busy/stressed/annoyed or whatever" for sex. I read a lot of blogs and comments where folks will say something along the lines of "I've just been to busy for sex." or "The kids are stressing me out and I'm not interested in sex." Mmmmmm.... I don't think so, or at least, not for me. It's one thing for me to be too busy or too tired, but that's not the same AT ALL. In those times, I still think about it (a lot!) and I can be turned on with a simple raised eyebrow. Right now, it's like it doesn't cross my mind. I hate that. I prefer the feeling of being revved all the time.

2. It's across the board disinterest. Again, there are people I read who aren't interested in sex with their spouse, but are with other people. To me, this isn't low libido at all but rather relationship issues. In my recent case, even my favorite fantasy fellas (and gals) aren't on my sexy radar either. (Sorry!) The warmth, affection, and friendship is still there, as is my deep and abiding love for my beloved Vince, but that extra jolt is somehow "missing." Dammit!!

3. It "feels" temporary, though I'm concerned it isn't because I've had a low libido problem before. That scares me witless. The good news though, is that opposed to how we managed things in the past, Vince and I are able to talk about it this time, address it, figure it out, and move on through it. It feels more like a solvable situation, rather than "a problem," and that's good.

4. I think it may have something to do with exercise or rather, a reduced amount of it. When I first had my "recovery" a few years back, it coincided with my return to cardiovascular exercise, in my case, bike riding, and aggressive work outs, like karate. Lately, I haven't been on my bike as much due to the cold and the crazy (family) and I had to quit karate due to some joint issues. But the weather as straightened out, at least down here, and I'm going to step it up and see if there's any improvement. It's funny, I'll whine about gaining a pound or two, but will PANIC at the thought of Miss Kitty losing her purr.

5. But my deepest fear is I think it may be due, in part, to the the lack of activity on the sexy-adventure front. There is something intensely invigorating to me not only about potential, but action as well, however as a friend said, "if it isn't relatively easy then maybe it isn't for you." Six months ago, I decided to step back and stop pushing so much. On the good side, my frustration with lack of action has gone down. On the bad side, my interest in it is waning. I dont' think it's because this curiosity or drive for adventure is a fad or a phase, but I do think, like much of life, it's a "use it or lose it" phenomenon. It's not that my sex drive has "died," but perhaps it is returning to it's slumbering state because it woke up, decided it is still confined to a cage, and came to the conclusion that rather than railing against the bars it's better to just go lay the fuck back down.

Perhaps, for me and maybe others, my sexuality is pan-sexual in the sense that it is there or it is not. Limiting it is like trying to limit a forest fire to one tree or the ocean to a corner.

So the photo above really does kind of represent how I feel right now -- driving down a dark highway, nothing really to see, no discernible destination. The view fuzzy and out of focus. Passing surely interesting places but not bothering to stop or get to know them.

Then again, maybe I just need to go for more bike rides.


  1. You've very eloquently detailed what is going on at our house as well, so all I can say is "ditto." Here's to pulling off the road soon and checking out the scenery!

  2. I've never had long stretches where I couldn't find my libido, so I don't have the fears you do when mine wanes. I hope ypu find yours for your own sake though!

    I do feel like I've lost my 'funny' though, and that bothers me way more! I always wanna fuck, just sometimes I ain't willing to put the work required into it. But being funny shouldn't be work dammit!

    But that's my issue not yours.

    I've never understood people expecting others to plan their anniversaries. Birthdays? Sure! You're supposed to do that for people. But anniverssaroea are about the people involved in the relationship. Not their kids. Not their friends. If they want those people involved, that's cool. But it's THIER relationship and THEIR responsibility to decide how to celebrate it.

    But I'm weird that way.

  3. My libido comes and goes with the highs and lows of life.
    A couple times it tanked and I had to work to get it back.
    It was as if not being sexual made me no longer crave sex.
    At the same time I wanted to crave it. I wanted to want.
    Libido is a strange thing.

  4. Sometimes my libido is less than I want it to be. Usually its due to work stress, or lack of exercise or just being really tired.

    Usually I just work on having sex in the morning when I'm not tired and my brain has not engaged in the crazy.